Anxiety successfully consumed my mind.
I want to talk about it but I don’t want to come off needy… I don’t need anything from anybody.
I don’t want to make anyone feel obligated to hear me rambling trying to scramble my thoughts together, that’s what it is 1,000 thoughts swarming in my brain consuming my mind creating an overwhelming leery feeling.
So what do I do? I don’t know. If the answer was that simple I wouldn’t be here shedding Denzel tears. I can’t dwell or I’ll sink into a mini depressed state and that draining, I don’t like being/feeling anything other than positive. I need to isolate and recharge, I’ve been putting out a lot of positive energy lately and I need that back.
I hate discussing anxiety episodes because it’s “oh yeah I felt like that but you need to do this” bitch if it was that ease I wouldn’t feel like this, did you ever consider that? I did not ask for your advice. Asking me multiple questions during an episode irritates me because if I knew in this moment I would tell you… offer reassurance not your opinion
It’s shocking seeing as I always have an answer for something, thinking multiple scenarios with multiple outcomes some greater than the other, all the while know that the lesser is more realistic. Acknowledging what it is from what you want it to be, my brain never sleeps I’m constantly thinking, constantly helping /shedding light on someone else’s situation, while keeping my life in the back of my mind. It gets draining I’m not going to lie, will writing this help me? Is writing still my “thing”? Will my word resonate with someone?
Are all of the things I want far-fetched? Will this episode taint my happiness? Am I happy? If I can’t answer my own questions how can I answer someone else’s? It’s now 1:52 in the morning and I’m still up over thinking… I pray a dream catches me and bring some peace. I wonder if I’ll write way to deal with anxiety?
Isolate. Disconnect. Recharge.