Wild Thoughts (Literally)

I just recently wrote a letter to myself, in the letter I have about 40 unanswered questions, I’m not sure when I will open or if I should attach my current answers and compare the differences between my answers whenever I decide to open said letter. I’m debating if I should keep the letter on one of many Zip drives or just email it to myself, I’m thinking Zip drive because my OCD will not allow me to have an unopened email for more than a day.

I think right now I’m in a head space of reflection, I have questions brewing everyday, questions about my childhood, past relationship be it romantic or platonic, current relationship, friendship etc. the crazy thing is I feel as though I’m not at liberty to answer any of these questions because I don’t know what they mean/ what they’ll do for me. I’m detached from certain elements of myself and I’m not sure if the detachment is making room for growth of if I’m silently losing my mind.

I do notice no one really asks me what’s going on with the thoughts in my head, that’s why I don’t share them unless it’s on this platform and even then its only was on the surface at the moment; however, I continue to ask people if they’re okay or need to discuss something that’s on their minds because if left to your own thoughts for too long they can become destructive trust me I know. This is not to say I want someone to ask me now that they read this or what have you, I’m stating that at this moment in my life I’m being more observant than usual which isn’t an issue for me. I’m taking notice of small things that irritate me, make me laugh and smile, upset me or have me feeling indifferent.

This post is mainly for me to keep track of my thoughts because I’m too lazy to find my journal to keep this a private record, then I thought to myself that’s selfish someone somewhere might have similar thoughts as me, so what can I say to them that I in turn need to hear as well.

The answer is simple, There are no mistakes in life. You feel the way you do, struggle the way you do, prosper the way you do, think the way you do for a reason, it’s apart of your life’s purpose and I have to trust that it’ll all make sense and come together even if I don’t see it right now. So to you in the world if you feel like nothing makes sense right now, that in itself makes sense. I encourage everyone to write themselves a letter or write down questions and see where your mind takes you, you’ll be surprised by what it comes up with and if you feel like sharing you know where to email me.

-Jay

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