Vent To You? I Think Not Boo

I’ve been thinking lately about the reason why I don’t vent a lot to people, before my answer was “I didn’t know how” in the mist of healing myself I know I didn’t want to misstate my feelings; however that wasn’t the sole reason. Yes, it was a contributing factor yet the reasoning stood out so clear within these past two weeks, people are self-centered and selfish.

It’s not fair for someone who needs to vent to have that moment turned onto someone. It then creates a side-eye moment and a feeling of “well fck me and how I feel huh”. I’m not sure if most people are a aware of themselves doing this in certain situations, because their intentions could be pure and harmless but their delivery is more damaging and overshadows the intent.

There is a difference between empathizing with similarities and deflecting with dismissive undertones, Nobody wants to feel like their feelings aren’t being acknowledged and dismissed. That’ll make someone decide not to ever vent to you, If you ever find yourself in a situation where you are the person being dismissive you should apologize and move differently, try asking how that person feels, how they want to move forward and what is it that you can do to avoid them feeling like you are being dismissive.

If you are the person that feels dismissed, you should state how you feel, what was said to make you feel that way ,and then find a solution to change how venting with certain people goes. If you choose to ignore the situation because you felt like you done nothing wrong be prepared for your subconscious to possibly eat at you. On your journey of Self Care and healing, It is crucial that you create better paths of energy around you, you can educate and eliminate.

The only way for someone to never forget how to treat you is for you to let them know when something they’re doing is negatively impacting you, and if they can’t respect that then you can eliminate without warning because you told them and they failed to adjust. Don’t just be out here cutting people off for the tiniest thing that has the potential to be fixed, then saying you’re doing it to protect your peace cause then you’re just being asshole-ish in my opinion lol.

The journey is never-ending. There’s always gonna be growth, improvement, adversity; you just gotta take it all in and do what’s right, continue to grow, continue to live in the moment. – Antonio Brown

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

 

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Healing Isn’t Linear

Healing is not linear

Take a deep breath in
-hold for 3 seconds-
Release
Say it with me ‘Healing is not Linear’. Let that sink in for a minute and really grasp what that means in its entirety. Whatever you’re trying to recover and grow from, whatever storm may find you in the process; know that without that storm you won’t receive the growth you’ve been praying for. Healing & growth doesn’t always happen in those moments where life seems great, it happens when you’re the most vulnerable.
Let’s think of healing as gardening, you can’t just push a seed in the ground pour a little water and sunshine on it and say Growth. You must dig deep, plant the seed fill the hole with nutrients, water and try your best to consistently protect it from weeds, bugs and harsh weather conditions. It all takes times, you can not rush what the universe has set out for you, you can pout you can take shortcuts etc but if that’s not the way the world wants you to receive your growth; beloved that’s just not going to be the way you receive it.
I used to be one of those “time heals all”, to the people that believe this more power to you maybe that’s your path of healing do you boo. For me that statement is a double entendre:
1. Time will heal all viable scars
2. Sh*t does not always get better with time, you just find better ways to embrace your feeling with time.
I’m number 2, things that ate at me emotionally aren’t necessarily better because of time. The way I embraced the highs and lows of my journey has gotten much better, I used to think that if I ignored the negatives it wouldn’t exist anymore OH BUT IT DOES! Now I embrace the lows while still acknowledging the positives (that’s the most important part).
It’s not about coming across ass this well put together being who can conquer all no matter what, it’s about being real with yourself and other about your journey. You’re not going to be put together or feel great 100% of the time, you’re going to feel low, you’re going to cry! However, you’re going to embrace your feelings look at yourself in the mirror repeat ‘Healing is not linear’ and other self affirmations and keep moving.
The universe loves believers and the universe will also throw whole trucks at you to see if you steadfast in what you believe in. I don’t know who needed to read this (Me I did) but I hope it helps you get through and press on.
I should start signing these again,
                                                        Jay

 

President : Aaron Nash of TheGifted0

Meet President of TheGifted0 apparel Aaron Nash, a fashion designer, I’m a natural born leader, innovator, revolutionary thinker and creative Director. “I consider myself a WOLF someone who sniffs out opportunity like BLOOD”. Having that mentality is great, especially in the world of entrepreneurship, it can be difficult to see other opportunities to enhance your business/brand so this mindset of always seeking out opportunities will take you places you never imagined going.

TheGifted0 is the next major sportswear/streetwear brand in the world, “Our motto at TheGifted0 is exclusivity one of my influences that I didn’t mention is Dapper Dan we don’t just wanna be another brand selling you what we think you should wear. We want to create a free market for our customers to where they can customize and tailor the gear they wish to buy and wear. The website will be launching soon with traditional products and custom limited products as well.” The option to customize apparel is in my opinion underrated, not only do you get to support amazing brands you also get the luxury of creating art, sort of like a collaboration! It’s truly “a design with you in mind”.

“I started my business/brand after I wrote a list of things I was good at and really they were all pointing towards fashion/stylistic/creative talents so I jumped in that water haven’t looked back since.”

Someone once told me that jumping is the easier adrenaline filled part, it’s the aftermath of either landing on your feet or falling flat on your face that’s the terrifying thing, but regardless of either option as long as you get up and keep going that’s all that matters. Staying motivated through the journey of entrepreneurship can be a challenge but if you can see it in your mind you can hold it in your hands. “What motivates me to keep going? I feel I’m God Given and by that I mean my talent/drive is a gift from God it’s quite hard to explain I feel like I was chosen or destined. People have always been drawn to me because of my charisma, my energy is contagious. Under Armour is my biggest motivation I like how they started from a basement and now they’re a billion dollar corporation. PIMP C, Nipsey Hussle, Jimi Hendrix and Edgar Allan Poe are also some of my influences.”

Having an impact on this world is inevitable, your ability to leave a positive impact is not, you get to decide what type of impact and legacy you want to create. “I wanna impact the world positively I wanna be someone that people at the bottom of the totem pole can look at and be like I can be just like him if not better. That’s my ultimate goal as a humanitarian is to inspire, cultivate and lead others.”

“I see myself going far in 5 years. I’m at that stage in my life where I feel like I can conquer anything ( VENI.VIDI.VICI ) as I would say. My hunger will prevail me it’s gotten me this far and I’m only growing over night. I just have to constantly remind myself that Rome nor Nike was built in a day it takes time you must relish the ground work. You have to master every day that’s how you make a whole year count.”

“I offer a variety of products and services clothing of course, sportswear but we are also putting together a marketing agency titled: TheRedApeAgency which is basically just a marketing firm that will service underd0gs and put together strategic marketing campaigns for all of our clients.”

Vision, passion, creating a space where your talents can grow is important in very aspect of life and the career you choose. Without properly nourishing your talents can you truly “follow your dreams? TheGifted0 is a Brand with a vision, definitive passion and a space where their talents can grow, I’m here for it now and what it’ll be in the next few year. Keep up with TheGifted0 on all social media at: @Gifted0Prez @TheGifted0

“ I want TheGifted0 to be a brand that represents survival, perseverance and LEADERSHIP.”

 

Lock The Door

If you invited someone to your house and you found out that they stole from you or damaged your belongs, with no real “explanation” as to why, would you then let them back into your home?

Why is it that we often re-open the door for toxicity, people who’ve hurt us, or people who shown their true selves? Most people call this “seeking closure”; although, closure can be a beautiful thing if received correctly, most people don’t know what closure is. Closure is the coming of terms that an emotional experience is over, I.e “this happened, I felt this, I no longer feel this, I am over this, here’s what I learned from this” you don’t have to speak to the person that hurt you in order to receive closure, closure isn’t about them it’s about and for YOU.

I know a few people who feel like “we need to have one last conversation or a face to face and if you can look me in my eyes and not feel nothing I know it’s over” …… that’s not closure in my humble unlicensed opinion, that’s hope and a yearning for things to work out despite the toxicity that came from whatever lead to that statement being made, if there was any toxic behavior (more than likely there was but not enough for you to be completely done).

For me personally, I’ve never been the one who needed to see each other face to face in order for me to receive closure or to accept that the other party in this situation is over me. However if they needed that face to face to heal than I’m not opposed to having a conversation because everyone’s healing or what have you is different and I respect healing if that’s what they’re seeking. Other than that I internalize the feelings, I fully accept the experience the best ways I know how  for what it was, take the lessons and blessings and move forward, I apply this to every aspect of my life not just relationships and I’ve done well so far.

It’s important to me that I personally maintain my peace, emotional and spiritual stability. So if a person was at all toxic towards me or around me the likelihood of me Inviting them back into my life is damn near nonexistent. Granted people can grow and learn from their mistakes and toxic behavior which is phenomenal for them and I applaud that; however, I just don’t see them being in my life how they once were, I don’t give a flying flip what I accepted in the past I’m not accepting the shit now. The door has been locked you can sit on the porch if you like, the idea of re opening the door for someone who was toxic isn’t appealing to me at this level of my life.

Is there an exception? Possibly if someone shows that they’ve grown and who they are now is appealing and they’re adding to your peace etc. then and only then should you decide if you should re open that door or not, but this needs to be on your terms no pressure, not in the name of seeking closure, no persuasion, no gimmicks none of that and most importantly your time and well-being should feel and be valued and respected highly.

Never let a damaging soul drain you out of your healing because after you poured your healing into them who is there to help you?

Twenty-Four

I asked myself what do I want to accomplish with 24?

I turned 24 almost a month ago and I’ve had plenty of time to think about the things I want to accomplish as a bright semi young (I feel 98) individual.

I don’t have any goals or expectations for 24, honestly I just want to work smarter not harder and amaze myself. I realize that at 23 my expectations were extremely high, while that is wonderful it was also horrible because I would beat myself up because I wasn’t where I thought I should be in a short time frame. I ended up simultaneously living my best and worst life.

I would have highs that made me feel invincible, I was ready to conquer the world with Bentley (My puppy), then in the same breath my whole life was in shambles, I left no room for errors, flukes, hiccups, speed bumps, crisscross none of that. I felt like well damn everyone in my circle is seemingly doing well and I’m stuck here feel like “What are you doing?” Not that I wasn’t excited for them because wholeheartedly I was/am, it was just my own expectations not coming together like I planned.

I know that life is unplanned and that in the end everything will work out the way that it should, I’m totally embracing the fact that 23 was some BULL okay so I’m wrapping it up and moving forward. Literally everyday I tell someone “it’ll all work itself off” in regards to their lives and I think to myself, why don’t you follow your own advice?

I will, I am, 24 I have loose plans with plenty of room for said plans to be cancelled or altered, I’m done stressing myself emotionally and mentally over where I think I should be. Realistically I’m where I need to be right here right now and that’s perfectly fine, I’ll continue to see the good in the “failures”, strive to be better and do better than I did the day before.

I still have goals I want to accomplish in life but I’m not going to cramp them all into one year because who really knows what life will throw at you? Good or bad ( I’m here to receive all the positive extra blessings I had no idea about but Jesus sees fit to place them in my life! Amen, Satan you can get tf on somewhere with the negative uncertainty)

I hope to inspire someone to continue on their journey and trust the moves that you make and that also the moves you didn’t intentionally make that put you in a better position for greatness.

Live your best life how you see fit and prosper, Time cannot be created or destroyed because it’s continuous, you have nothing but time to fulfill your dreams!

Emotionally Over It

Have you ever been in a situation where someone joked about a sensitive subject with you, like not some random person, but someone who knows how things effect you.

These type of people honestly irritate me because they’re destructive to the healing process, when you know better you do better. By being in my space that means you know better. It’s like knowing someone is allergic to a food and you bring the food around, they have an allergic reaction and you say “oh my bad I knew you couldn’t eat it I feel bad now”. No you don’t.

I can’t offer any real advice on how to deal with these people, because I’m still trying to figure out myself and I hardly ever accept apologies, especially when I know that you knew better and you’re only “sorry” because you didn’t “think” I’d react a certain way. However, what I will say is try not to lash out, definitely internalize how you feel in the moment because your feelings and thoughts are important and valid! If you still want those individuals in your life, then you should decide how much you want them to be apart of your life, if you feel the need to create distance do that.

Healing is about you and nobody else, even those you choose to share intimate details of your healing with, they’re only there for you and your process. If you have to say “look I’m emotionally over dealing with you on a level of sharing something with a deep impact on my life” , say that vocalize everything that makes you emotionally uncomfortable. confronting the things that make you emotionally uncomfortable is literally the only way you can continue to grow and heal.

Don’t walk on eggshells for no one but don’t go around making people feel like crap either, find a healthy balance between expressing how you feel and not tolerating total bull from people making a joke about whatever you’re going through. We’re all trying to figure ourselves out and fulfill our destinies in the universe. I appreciate those who I confide in, you all genuinely make a conscious effort to understand and that’s amazing.

The more you practice good coping mechanism, the “easier” healing will be.

Happy Healing,

Jay.

Unravel Me

This was originally going to be a poem, the more I thought about the subject I felt it [My Thoughts] expanding.

If you go through something that shakes you, made you lose yourself or made you realize that you didn’t even know who you were to begin with…. what do you do?

As you ponder on that, for me I go into self-preservation. I need to protect the parts of myself that are unscathed, while also repairing and planting the seeds (lessons) from that experience so I can water myself and grow. There is no time limit on growth or healing, though I find myself wonder when is it okay to be unraveled by someone?

Not to be confused with dismantled, but unraveled like a ball of yarn that’s being knitted into a new fabric the combining of two entities into one (if this metaphor makes sense to you leave a comment). This is just a recurring thought, I think it’s possible to protect and maintain yourself peace while being unraveled, that doesn’t mean go out and let just anyone see who you are and how far you’ve came, Everyone doesn’t deserve that.

For my people with walls up, your walls are fine they should come down when you’re ready and anybody who constantly speaks ill about them are they really worth the stress? With that said if someone is genuinely interested in crashing those walls to build a better universe with you, lighten up of course you’ll know because you can always feel genuine energy around you. If you are willing to let your walls down you need to be able to trust yourself and the person you’re allowing that close to you.

Stay away from individuals that use your “flaws”, “fears”, “uncertainties” etc. against you, like Maya Angelou said, “ Each one of us has lived through some devastation, some loneliness, some weather or spiritual superstorm, when we look at each other we must say, I understand. I understand how you feel because I have been there myself. We must support each other and empathize with each other because each of us is more alike than we are unlike.”

Being unraveled in the purest form of understanding can be an exciting and beautiful experience.

 

You’re Scared Beautifully

In light of World Mental Health Day, I want to share this message that still feels so pure in my heart.

I’m not a very religious person anymore, although I hold my Baptist upbringing near a dear to my heart, I’ve become more spiritual on my journey of Self-Discovery and Self-Love. So naturally it’s been a while since I’ve sat in a church to hear a sermon, well I went for the first time in years and the message was: The scars that we have are beautiful and we should share them. Scars being hardships that we’ve been through be it heartbreak, parental issues, career success and failure etc.

Society often makes us think that sharing our scars is a bad thing to do, they want us to get over it and move on with acknowledging what happens. This isn’t smart and honestly you shouldn’t listen to what society thinks you should and shouldn’t share with people, because your story could give someone else hope. I understand that being selective about who you share with and how much you share is also important, we need the keep some things sacred and protect the things that mean the most, however if you’ve gotten through something that has altered your life and gave you a new perspective or a rebirth why wouldn’t you want to share that?

Anyone who makes you feel as if the traumatic or life changing experiences in your life aren’t that deep or are horrible and you shouldn’t speak on them…. they’re a shitty person period. Leave those people alone and share your light, journey and lessons with people who are willing to listen and understand what you’ve been through. Talking/sharing is an important part of the healing process and personally the biggest part of my journey. Each time I share what I’ve experienced through life I learn something new about myself that I couldn’t see before and that’s beautiful!

I want everyone who reads this to be able to relate and one day when you’re ready to share your scars because they’re beautiful, you’re beautiful.

you’re not dramatic,
you’re not worthless,
you’re not crazy,
You’re not exaggerating,
You’re not talking too much you’re just talking to the wrong people.

You are strong
You are gold
You are capable
You are resilient
You are loved
Your feeling matter
You matter
Your mental health matter
Your emotional well-being matter
You are a King
You are a Queen
You are Are NOT ALONE
It’s okay to not be okay
It’s okay to ask for help

Never lose yourself, trying to prove or hide the real you in a world full of “self”.

Personal Time Capsule

Personal Time Capsule

Waiting on my vessel
The receiver of my thoughts
The holder of my heart
Each scar I share
There will never be a fear of you not being there
You’re my personal time capsule

I give to you the things that mean the most to me
My hopes, deepest thoughts, fears and dreams
I stand before you emotionally nude
You still think I’m beautiful

Mentally and spiritually
I’m full of light
Basking in the essence of our truth
For once the world stands still
And our capsule is full
I’ll always spend the next life time
Creating memories with you.

– Jay 🌸🐘

God is real

Yesterday rather than have a breakdown, I had a break through. I’ve been battling with a few things for a while now and it’s cause me to shut down completely. I’ve tried in the best way I knew how, to ask for someone to listen and help because I felt myself sinking but unfortunately I broke down.

My two amazing friends did the best they could, and anyone I talked to in between those two I changed the topic of conversation. I began to with in my journal daily asking the universe and God specifically for clarity, guidance, strength and reassurance, and yesterday I received just that in the most purest form! It was totally unexpected and I was damn near defeated inside. I am so grateful for receiving the very thing I needed, the person I had the conversation with and the conversation itself.

I won’t go into specifics about what I’m experiencing, I will say that I don’t like sudden change that I don’t see coming or anything that will negatively disrupt my routine. I have a hard time coming to terms with what was possibly not being that anymore if that makes sense. Sudden change that I never expect affects me deeply, even if it looks like I’m cool and together on the out, I’m falling apart inside and it’s something that I’m working on but you can only work on so much by yourself.

Yesterday I thought about quitting blogging all together, shutting down Doses of Jay, Quitting CampusLately and deleting everything, it’s still a thought just not as strong. My blog was the very thing that helped me grow and come to terms with a lot that I suppressed years ago. I’m not sure what I’ll actually do yet but for now I’m here blogging sharing my experiences hopeful that I can catch whoever’s reading this before you fall.

As my mind begins to drift from this topic, I want you all to know that God or whatever you believe in is real! I asked for clarity/ guidance everyday on my situation and state of mind and I received it in the best way possible. If you’re going through something write down what you’re going through and ask for what you need to help you get through it and be open to receiving it! You could be surprised at how you received your answer and from whom the universe decided to give that answer to you.

I’m going to leave you with a verse I received. Joshua 14:23 “…I know with all of my heart and all of my soul, not one thing has failed, of all the good things God has promised concerning me for all have come to pass.”

 

P.S. if you’re from Snapchat I’m okay I just had a mini breakthrough, I’m not 100% but I will be.