Healing is not linear
Healing is not linear
I know it’s been a while since I’ve given a Little Motivation on a Monday, truth be told I need a little motivation myself…… then I start to think it’s either “One Day” or Day One. You can continue to put off your dream, goals, responsibilities or what have you with a “One day I’ll do this” or “One day I’ll do that”, which is fine and dandy but when will your One Day become Day One? When will you decide that today will be Day One of your journey towards whatever it is that you’re going to accomplish? I say you’re going to because I believe you can, whatever you want to do speak life into it with certainty!
No matter how long your journey to personal success may be, regardless of how many times you may experience “failures” keep striving for what you want! It (Your Journey) beings on Day One and doesn’t end until you’ve conquered every fear, gotten through every obstacle, clapped for every achievement big or small, moved pasted self-doubt and you reached the point of looking back and saying ” I always knew I was going to accomplish this one day”.
I believe in you, I speak life into your dreams. If you feel like no one else does, Jay has your back and is very proud of you! I’ll leave you with a quote that has motivated me to keep going. ” Sometimes the people with the greatest potential often take the longest to find their path because their sensitivity is a double ended sword – it lives at the heart of their brilliance, but it also makes them more susceptible to life’s pains.” – Jeff Brown
Whatever comes into your life, let it come don’t question it just enjoy the experience.
Whatever stays, let it stay and be thankful.
Whatever goes, LET IT GO don’t harp on what would’ve happened, because when it leave it’s making room for better that’s sure to come.
We tend to harp on the things that leave our lives as if they were meant to stay, when in reality everything that we need will stay. We are like trees, if we stay grounded and hydrated (water, self-love and knowledge) we’ll be alright. Just like trees we grow and change throughout our experiences every season, some days may be beautiful and easy-going others may be dark and gloomy, but one thing still remains the same and that’s growth within who we are.
Letting things go without questioning it should be natural, because a Tree is still a tree with or without leaves. Experiences are just that, it stays with you for a lifetime, However; the things that the experience may bring (heartache, people etc) may not always stay and that’s okay.
You are a tree in this universe, hydrate yourself properly and continue to grow.
Prioritize your life
• Define your personal goals.
• Carry a Planner/ Journal ( Keep you list visible).
• Make a Daily list of everything you have to accomplish.
• Categorize your list from most important to leave or by how far you have to travel
• Dedicate 30 minutes (minimum) towards completing one of your goals.
• Use the Calendar app on your phone.
• Set Deadlines.
• Keep a pen and journal to write down every idea.
• Meditate to clear your mind
• Clean and burn incense
• Go for a walk
• Listen to music
• Dance like no one is watching
• Revisit old work (Art)
• Admire Art
• Go on New adventures
• Take a Walk
• Share what you have and ask for feedback
• Take a nap
• Eat !
• Take risk in every aspect of your life
• Bounce your ideas off your friends and see which one sticks
• Literally put your ideas in a hat pick two or three and create something from it
• Take Breaks
• Drink Tea (warm with honey never sugar)
• Surround Yourself with Creative People
• Remove Negative People
• Get a disposable camera and capture things that inspire you
• Cleanse your space (energy)
• Exfoliate (skin, scalp etc)
• Ask someone what inspired them
• Let your thoughts flow good or bad (write them down
• Be Positive!
• Write encouraging notes to yourself
• Workout (increased blood flow helps with creativity)
• Word association (when you see something while your out write down the first word that comes to mind)
• Sing in the shower
“Before You Give Up, Think About The Reasons Why You Held On For So Long” unknown.
This quote has gotten me through a pretty rough week, so I decided to share it, and what it means to me personally. Throughout my journey of life I expect for there to be many challenges as well as blessings. I have more than one passion that I want to dedicate all of my time and energy into, from the outside looking in it would seem as though I’m spreading myself thin, and what I want to achieve is practically impossible to accomplish. I feel as though I can water my plants (my passion) and watch them grow, so I can sit back and enjoy the fruits of my labor, however; I would be lying if I said that I didn’t get in my own way at times.
By this I mean that, I sometimes talk myself into believing that I’m doing “too much” and I need to let go of this dream of owning my own fitness rehabilitation facilities, running a blog brand/company and obtaining my Doctoral Degree. I have to stop myself and think about why achieving these things are important to me….. They’re important because I have something different to add to an already amazing field, Because it’s a dream that I can see becoming my reality; it’s not about the money I can potentially receive. It’s about fueling my passions by going after everything my heart desires no matter how challenging it can/will get. What do I always say? “If you aren’t doing what you’re passionate about then you’re cheating yourself.”
I REFUSE to cheat myself by giving up when things seem like it’s not going to work out. I’m going to tough it out because it builds character and when I look back on my journey it’ll be worth it. If you ever find yourself in between a rock and a hard place, just ask yourself “why? What am I doing this for?” Take a step back, regroup and go at it again ! Just don’t cheat yourself out of accomplishing every goal… Unless they’re dangerous goals then don’t do it !
Side Note: in the terms of relationships never give twice as much as you are given (think about it). If it’s not healthy and threatening your peace . LET THAT SH*T GO.
I’ve had numerous conversations with strangers and a few friends, Inquiring about my “Inner Glow”. * Inner Glow; Is the purity of the soul. The true feeling that comes to you about yourself when you’re alone. The simple formula for “finding” your inner glowage is to simple: First + You = Put YOURSELF First!
This concept is rarely used, especially among those who are natural givers. Givers tend to go above and beyond for others, yet they slack off when it comes to giving to themselves. Take me for instance, I would give in all my relationships (romantic, business, friendship etc) however I wouldn’t receive much back. Now, I was content for a while but at some point I said to myself ” something isn’t right, this feeling is off”. One night I prayed for guidance and for the removal of things/people who don’t deserve my time, loyalty or friendship.
Prayer works! I woke up refreshed I had a clearer vision of where I needed to be in life, and that involved me being selfish, not towards the people in my life more so with my time and energy. I started putting myself first, once I did that it was like I was shaking up the world. People that I was close with started hating on my journey of internal Glowage, because they needed me more than I ever realize, I couldn’t continue to be a rock for them, when I was barely a sheet of paper for myself and you know what? That was OKAY.
It’s okay to put yourself first, you NEED to be able to stand alone and not feel as though you’re going to have a mental breakdown, because you’ve given all you have to someone else. If your friends/ significant other can’t respect that you need to focus on you and your needs, then F..k them. At the end of the day all you have to fall back on is yourself, and if you’re not strong enough to carry your own weight. How can you expect to carry someone else’s? With that being said, if anyone tries to make you feel bad about putting yourself first, F..K THEM.
I was having a conversation with a group of young ladies going through break ups, and they asked me “how did you get over your break ups”. lol YAAAAAALLLLL
Break ups can seem horrible at first, because you’ve invested so much time into a person maybe even developed feelings. You’ve subconsciously redesigned your day around this person and now that it’s over, your whole life seems unbalanced. I want you to know that “it’s not the end of the world, it’s just the end of a world that you had with that girl/boy” -Drake. Seriously don’t look at a break up as a loss, embrace it as a result of something that needed to happen in order for you to make it to the next level. Depending on the extent of that relationship, there is not specific amount of time designated for you to be “over it”; However, you shouldn’t hold on to ‘what ifs’ or play the blame game longer than a month. A month is being generous to be honest, because if you’re like me you’ll want closure so you can begin to heal (that’s actually if you cared so deeply that you’ve connected with their soul, you looked passed their physical presence and immediately fell for who they are spiritually….if not then skip pass this part.) Closure to me is the most important thing you NEED in order to get over a break up, and I say this because it’s clear when someone doesn’t have it. They often dwell on the past relationship and bring those problems into a new situation or they constantly bash their ex as if they didn’t once have deep feelings for this person. A little piece of advice before I get to MY personal steps is: When you fall in love with potential , you’re falling for the IDEA of what they COULD BE, NOT WHO THEY ARE.
Jay’s Steps to successfully get over a Breakup
Step 1: DO NOT TWEET YOUR FEELINGS
Step 1.5: DO NOT GET PETTY
Step 2: Find Closure
Step 2.5: DO NOT KEEP BRINGING IT UP
Step 3: Self Evaluation (identity your part in the relationship ending)
Step 4: DO NOT STALK THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA
Step 5: Find a ‘Distraction’ to take your mind off your feelings (travel, read, write, crafts etc)
Step 6: DO NOT SLIP INTO THE MIND FRAME OF “All N**** and B**** ain’t S**”
Step 7: Forgiveness
Step 8: LET THAT HURT GO
Step 9: Think about what the relationship has taught you
Step 10: FLOURISH
*these are some of the things I did, it may work for you it may not. I highly suggest that both parties refrain from being petty because nobody wins, you both will look stupid and hurt*
“How do you stay so positive?”
I get asked this question a lot, and my answer is this: I’m human just like anyone else, I’ve had dark periods; But, rather than letting those moments destroy my light, I choose to focus on the positive side of life or the situation, and channel the negative energy and put it towards something that’ll make me feel better. I’m not going to lie to you and say that it’s easy, when I know for a fact that it’s not. If you read my post “A Real Dose of Jay” then you’ll see that I struggled for a long time to be genuinely happy.
Think about it like this, you’re wasting your time by doing nothing but wallowing in self-pity. Why not waste your time on something productive? In the same amount of time you spent sulking, you could have been reading, writing or whatever it is that you’re passionate about. Let the negative energy fuel your passion, I promise you that over time you’ll feel a lot better about yourself if you solely focus on the positive and redirect the negative.
Hopefully this helps someone, being positive doesn’t mean you ignore the negative, it means that you’ve overcome it.
If it’s not directed don’t respect it.
Everyone knows the art of subliminal messages. (We’re all guilty of sending/ receiving one). The most popular ways to take subtle jabs in our generation is to Tweet or Post to Instagram. A “simple generalized statement” with someone in mind.
Now to the unsuspecting naïve person they’d relate on a surface level and repost, but the advanced level shady person they’d understand the depth of the post and know that what was said was intended for someone and screenshot. (I’m also guilty of this I will screenshot your whole timeline in .25 seconds). This is when things usually go left and the “Was that about me 👀 ?” texts start rolling in and then the “Clapback”; Oh and my personal favorite the “Unbothered 😴” post (Lol you’re bothered, post on this coming soon)
To avoid getting off topic I’ll quickly make my point. My thing is, if your name isn’t attached to the subliminal shots then why concern yourself with whatever was said? By feeding into the tomfoolery you’re giving them exactly what they want and that’s attention and a reaction. Stop feeding into it, going back and forth with them isn’t hurting anyone but you. They think this is a game. Personally, I don’t catch shots at me if there are any, because I couldn’t possibly care lessor than I already don’t, I’m too busy drinking water and mining my business to catch a subtweet, sub-post, sub-snap etc.
My unsolicited advice to you would be to do the same; If the message isn’t formally addressed to you, hit return to sender and notify them of the changed address (because they clearly have you fucked up and confused with someone who gives a damn). Excuse my rude decorum in this post, I just get so flustered when I see people slinging shot, but won’t attach a name to who it’s for. Like you have the nerve to say these things but don’t have the balls to attach a name so the situation can be properly addressed and handled like the adults you’d think we are? You’re childish, grow up. (No, no one hasn’t subbed me it’s what I observe on a daily basis)
To wrap this up, Never allow yourself to be consumed by someone else’s problems, If they’re going to come with jabs make sure they come correct or it doesn’t receive any respect. Some people feed off of forced reactions, starve them by not acknowledging them. Feed yourself and prosper my little Cosmic Caterpillars.
Last week I published a post entitled: “But that’s where you lost it” and The feedback was amazing. One thing stood out to me which is why I’m doing a part II. I received an email from one of my readers asking: “is it wrong to fight for happiness?” The person wanted my honest opinion, and I want to share my response with you guys.
“You shouldn’t ever have to fight for happiness, because happiness comes from within. No one can make you happy if you aren’t happy with yourself! I can’t help but stress this enough, because so many people rely on others to create their happiness when it shouldn’t be that way at all. Now there is a difference in fighting for someone TO LOVE YOU verses fighting for someone WHO LOVES YOU. Why would you want to fight for someone to love you? In my opinion, you should love yourself enough to know that you’re worth loving and anyone would be lucky to have you. If they fail to see that then oh well, you aren’t losing they are! So love yourself unapologetically and the rest will fall into place.”
Fighting for someone WHO loves you is perfectly fine. People often say that love is difficult, when in all actuality it’s simple, lighthearted and beautiful. It’s the people who make it difficult, they often let self-doubt get in the way of letting love be free. Which leads to irrational decisions, miscommunication etc. So, if you want to fight through that by all means do it only if you feel like it’s worth the fight. If not then let it go, do everyone a favor and let each other free.