But That’s Where You Lost It Part II

Last week I published a post entitled: “But that’s where you lost it” and The feedback was amazing. One thing stood out to me which is why I’m doing a part II. I received an email from one of my readers asking: “is it wrong to fight for happiness?” The person wanted my honest opinion, and I want to share my response with you guys.

“You shouldn’t ever have to fight for happiness, because happiness comes from within. No one can make you happy if you aren’t happy with yourself! I can’t help but stress this enough, because so many people rely on others to create their happiness when it shouldn’t be that way at all. Now there is a difference in fighting for someone TO LOVE YOU verses fighting for someone WHO LOVES YOU. Why would you want to fight for someone to love you? In my opinion, you should love yourself enough to know that you’re worth loving and anyone would be lucky to have you. If they fail to see that then oh well, you aren’t losing they are! So love yourself unapologetically and the rest will fall into place.”

Fighting for someone WHO loves you is perfectly fine. People often say that love is difficult, when in all actuality it’s simple, lighthearted and beautiful. It’s the people who make it difficult, they often let self-doubt get in the way of letting love be free. Which leads to irrational decisions, miscommunication etc. So, if you want to fight through that by all means do it only if you feel like it’s worth the fight. If not then let it go, do everyone a favor and let each other free.



But That’s Where You Lost It

A question that I feel will never be answered is: Why do people look for happiness in the place they lost it?? I honestly don’t think people fully understand the concept of having/ creating happiness within themselves. It’s saddening that this generation, hell over 90 percent of society clings on to the very things that leads to their unhappiness. As if letting go means they’re never going to have happiness again. Which to me is ridiculous, Because True Blissful happiness is Pure, Free and Lighthearted. If you keep giving power to a situation that isn’t producing positive vibes/energy then your ultimately becoming stagnant. You aren’t reaching your fullest potential or flourishing like the little butterflies I know you are, thus hindering the process of growth. Growth should be a goal in every relationship in your life, if you’re not growing what’s the purpose? Exactly there is none! So, stop using the excuse of “they’re all I know or this is all I’m used too” oh and my favorite “they know so much about and I don’t want to start over” just to with some or in a situation that doesn’t make you happy. If someone is really for you, they won’t do anything to compromise your happiness. No one can “make” you happy they can only add to it, this if Facts not an opinion. Ask yourself, Does this add or subtract from my happiness? Do I want to risk my feelings for temporary comfort? Do my wants, needs and feelings Matter? If you can’t answer these questions honestly, you’ll probably make an excuse for whatever is going on, and go back seeking a different outcome. My only question is: Why would you go back or stay looking for something that should always be in you, if that’s where you lost it? (Think about it)
Happiness comes from within, Jay.

Dear Queen 👑

Dear Queen
You are strong, you are worth loving, you are gorgeous. What you’re going through right now is a temporary setback for a major comeback! Just when you think that you can’t take anymore and you’re feeling emotionally, mentally and physically drained, you’ll bounce back better than ever. Reinvent yourself during this time. I know that what you want right now might seem impossible to obtain, but that doesn’t mean you won’t ever get it. Let go and let God take over so you can focus, heal and only then will everything become clearer. So don’t stress too much, I know it’s easier said than done but I want to you understand and believe that you are so much stronger than you think know and feel right now! Remember that I got you God got you and your family got it. Lift your head up Queen, pick up your crown and readjust it .
I Love You, Jay ❤️😘

You Can’t Force Feed It

You can’t make someone be happy for you, support you, or to put it simply, You can not make people be there for you the way you’re there for them. It’s not going to happen. You can wish and hope in your heart that they will return to you what you’ve done for them, but sadly it’s not in their innate character. Meaning it’s not a natural instinct for them to give back, their roles in the universe is to be a taker and that’s fine…. For them; Your going to encounter your fair share of takers and givers. I suppose it’s human nature but when I fully understand, Trust that I’ll share with you all. What I’m saying to you all is that you can’t get mad because someone isn’t capable of reciprocating the genuine love, support and respect you show them, they don’t know how. So, Appreciate those around you that do and the rest will fall into place. There’s two ways you can handle this: Number one is to show/ teach them how and Number Two is to completely wash your hands of them and pray that they get it together. If you decide on Number One, You must have patience and understanding. Understand that no one has ever required them to reciprocate anything, So it’ll take some time for them to adjust (Be patient not stupid). Take note of their behavior and actions this will tell you if they truly are worth the energy, if their actions are Piss poor don’t keep trying to force feed shit and just walk away. I’ve seen them most beautiful spirits connect with souls that drained them, it’s truly heartbreaking. (I was almost drained a while ago and don’t want the same for you). You’re smart enough to know where your energy belongs, I don’t need to tell you to be careful who you allow in your space 😌.


This One Is For You 😊

Hey! You, yeah you. If you’re reading this I want you to repeat the following as many time as you need: I Believe in Myself. I am in control of MY actions, emotions and destiny. I Believe in Myself. My current situation will not determine my final destination, it will only help guide me. I Believe in Myself. I will treat today and every other day as if It’s the next level of my life. I Believe in Myself. I love who I am becoming. I Believe in Myself and No one can dictate how I feel. I Believe in Myself, With God and my Passion the limits of my success is beyond the stars, Because I Believe IN MYSELF.
I believe in you too, Jay.


“Respect yourself or nobody will”- Unknown
Respect is not given, it’s Earned; Not to be played with, and can be lost in seconds without warning. Respect is not to be taken for granted because without respect your words and actions towards others mean absolutely nothing. You can regain a certain amount of respect back but the levels will be extremely lower than once upheld, I’m not sure why and I’m not looking for the answer right now so I’ll chalk it up to human nature. We (as human beings) tend to subconsciously hold on to whatever situation that made us look down upon whoever, instead of giving them a “clean slate”. I believe it’s apart of the ideology of ‘Forgive but never Forget’ but that’s a post in itself that I’ll save for later. This topic has been heavy on my mind since a recent conversation where it was evidence of blatant disrespect, not towards me but someone I care about (Not trying to be Captain Save A Hoe) just speaking truths that need to be heard. I won’t get too deep into the conversation but if someone is quick to put your personal business out when shit gets heated, they never respected you in the first place. My unsolicited advice to you all is: If you’ve ever Find yourself in this situation, is to eliminate these people, don’t just settle for an apology because they knew better and they would’ve done better. However, you should understand that cutting people out of your life does not mean you hate them (if you do, you need to let that hurt go) it just means that you respect yourself more. Oh and another thing just because you’ve lost all respect for someone does not mean you can’t still be respectfully cordial whenever your paths cross. Holding onto those ill emotions do nothing but gives you pimples, wrinkles, enlarged pores and reduces 5 years from your life. (Probably just made that up, but keep that in mind) less stressors in 2016
Peace and prosperity, Jay.

New Year, New Me? You Damn Right

First things first rest in peace to my grandmother she’s the reason for my strength, it’s been 10 years and honestly I feel as though I’m making her proud. Second thing We’re Two Month Old! Doses of Jay is my baby and I’m super excited to see her grow and blossom, So thank you all for being here and being apart of something that means so much to me! Last but certainly not least HAPPY New YEAR! This year is indeed a leap year so you get an extra day a whole 24 hours to be/do better than last year let’s get it.!

Now how many of you are about to fall into the cliché of saying “Oh it’s a New Year, Time for a New Me” or “I’m letting all the drama and negativity go”, but wind up falling back into the same behavior patterns that you said you were “letting go” last year?

Don’t gas yourself up for likes, retweets, oohs and ahhh, knowing damn well you haven’t had the chance to create a realistic plan that you’re absolutely going to stick to. This is not to put anyone down who truly feels like 2016 will contribute to the evolution of a “New” them because it can and it will, if you actually plan and become the driving force behind the change you want to see in your life. My advice to you all in 2016 is to never let anyone make you feel bad for the changes you want to make in this New Year. If someone says “Here comes this New Year, New Me Bull” cut them off and say YOU DAMN RIGHT, Who gone check me? Lol and also do not give yourself a false sense of security, by this I mean if your resolution is to lose weight don’t expect to immediately drop pounds a week later. For me last year for the longest all I wanted to do was gain and maintain 5 pounds, yes just FIVE, I thought that it would be easy but it wasn’t it took longer than expected but I kept trying because it was what I really wanted so I came up with a plan and here I am 20 POUNDS later! Not only did I reach my goal but I surpassed it as well.

You can do this as well, you just have to be passionate about all of the things your heart desires. Don’t let these idiotic comments of ” New Year, New Me but you……” Get into your head, if you let it I promise you that you’re letting them win. The main reason people say this is because they are afraid of change, they’re beyond content with living a lackluster life of a few months it’s all great then a few months later it’s all bad. They don’t want to see anyone break this mold and succeed ahead of them because they’re weak, get from around them NOW. YOU CAN NOT! YOU WILL NOT. YOU BETTER NOT! Concern yourself with these people, leave them where they are…. The bottom and sore to the top like I know you can.

MESSAGE for those on social media worried about the changes people what to make this year, why are you so concerned? Your unsolicited negative energy isn’t needed and maybe you should follow suit, The mere fact that YOU have a problem with people wanting to make changes in THEIR LIVES this year should be an indication that you my dear need to make changes also.

          Peace, Blessing and prosperity, Jay.

2015, Thank You.

I know in my previous post I said that I would take a break for health reasons and I promise that I am, I just have to leave 2015 on a positive note. With this being said I felt as though I should practice what I post and ‘Clap for myself’. It’s not often that I talk about all the things that I have going on in my life simply because I feel the end product should speak for itself. But today I would like to speak on 7 accomplishment of 2015 that I’m most excited about, and they are : Accomplishments of 2015
1. Moved to Georgia.
2. Locked down internships for 2 professional sports teams.
3. Discovered what’s important to me
4. Solidified my Peace.
5. Started My Blog
6. Opportunity to design several shoes (heels)
7. Accepted into Pratt Institute (Grad School)
It may not seem like much to some but honestly I couldn’t care less. These are goals I had for so long that finally came into fruition, I did that! I made it happen! With an amazing support system. I’m honestly extremely emotional writing this because I’ve been through so much, and at times felt as if I wasn’t doing enough or like I’d never reach my goals ever. I’ve overcome my own self doubts and prevailed, I am so thankful for those ending this chapter and entertaining the next chapter with me. 2015 has been on hell of a year; I’m claiming right now that 2016 is nothing less than extraordinary! I love you all thank you for riding with me through the journey of success! I’ll leave you with this quote by Paul Carrick Brunson ” Don’t get distracted by the loudest person in the room. Often times the person with the most power is the quietest.” See you in 2016.

Clap for Yourself Love.

Learn to love the parts of you that no one claps for. If you spend all of your time waiting for someone to clap for or acknowledge parts of you that YOU don’t show special attention to you are wasting your time. So how about you take a moment and clap for your damn self! Every part of you, I promise you that you don’t give yourself enough credit. Stop waiting for other to validate the hard work that you’ve put in for months, years, etc. never allow someone’s stamp of approval be the reason your striving to “do better” you’re going to burn yourself out trying to please them. You should be out here trying to achieve everything your heart desires because that’s what you want for yourself. Give yourself that satisfaction; 9/10 the person or group that you’re looking for approval from isn’t helping you reach any goals, they aren’t grinding beside you day in and day out, THEY WASNT WITH YOU SHOOTING IN THE GYM! They’re just an audience so to speak, So why in the hell do you feel the need to subconsciously do it for them? This is not to say that the people who are grinding with you and encouraging you aren’t clapping for you as well, all I’m saying is that you should invest in yourself more and be you own biggest fan, so when the audience isn’t around there will still be a standing ovation.

  • Jay

What/ Who Motivates You?

The thing that motivates me to is simply the idea of “because of you I didn’t give up, I found peace and happiness.” Inspiring someone in this world is the best feeling, and also knowing that my younger sister and cousins are looking up to me. This makes me want to keep going no matter how many struggle phases I endure I know that I have to get through them while keeping a positive attitude and energy, not only for my sake, but also theirs. This is why I personally feel as though everyone should have something and/or someone who motivates them to become a better version of themselves. Understand that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the person you are now, but you should know that where you are now is not your final destination, there is so much more to you than you could possibly fathom! You just haven’t tapped into it. This is why we need someone or something to give us a little motivational push every now and then. I want to encourage you to find a source of motivation so, in times where you just want to give up because your feel you back is against the wall, you can look to that source and continue to press forward. Find something that keeps you going, no matter what anyone says well all need some type of motivation good or bad, and I say bad because there’s always a sliver lining in a dark cloud. You can easily turn a negative into a positive it’s all in how you choose to let it affect you.