You’re Scared Beautifully

In light of World Mental Health Day, I want to share this message that still feels so pure in my heart.

I’m not a very religious person anymore, although I hold my Baptist upbringing near a dear to my heart, I’ve become more spiritual on my journey of Self-Discovery and Self-Love. So naturally it’s been a while since I’ve sat in a church to hear a sermon, well I went for the first time in years and the message was: The scars that we have are beautiful and we should share them. Scars being hardships that we’ve been through be it heartbreak, parental issues, career success and failure etc.

Society often makes us think that sharing our scars is a bad thing to do, they want us to get over it and move on with acknowledging what happens. This isn’t smart and honestly you shouldn’t listen to what society thinks you should and shouldn’t share with people, because your story could give someone else hope. I understand that being selective about who you share with and how much you share is also important, we need the keep some things sacred and protect the things that mean the most, however if you’ve gotten through something that has altered your life and gave you a new perspective or a rebirth why wouldn’t you want to share that?

Anyone who makes you feel as if the traumatic or life changing experiences in your life aren’t that deep or are horrible and you shouldn’t speak on them…. they’re a shitty person period. Leave those people alone and share your light, journey and lessons with people who are willing to listen and understand what you’ve been through. Talking/sharing is an important part of the healing process and personally the biggest part of my journey. Each time I share what I’ve experienced through life I learn something new about myself that I couldn’t see before and that’s beautiful!

I want everyone who reads this to be able to relate and one day when you’re ready to share your scars because they’re beautiful, you’re beautiful.

you’re not dramatic,
you’re not worthless,
you’re not crazy,
You’re not exaggerating,
You’re not talking too much you’re just talking to the wrong people.

You are strong
You are gold
You are capable
You are resilient
You are loved
Your feeling matter
You matter
Your mental health matter
Your emotional well-being matter
You are a King
You are a Queen
You are Are NOT ALONE
It’s okay to not be okay
It’s okay to ask for help

Never lose yourself, trying to prove or hide the real you in a world full of “self”.

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God is real

Yesterday rather than have a breakdown, I had a break through. I’ve been battling with a few things for a while now and it’s cause me to shut down completely. I’ve tried in the best way I knew how, to ask for someone to listen and help because I felt myself sinking but unfortunately I broke down.

My two amazing friends did the best they could, and anyone I talked to in between those two I changed the topic of conversation. I began to with in my journal daily asking the universe and God specifically for clarity, guidance, strength and reassurance, and yesterday I received just that in the most purest form! It was totally unexpected and I was damn near defeated inside. I am so grateful for receiving the very thing I needed, the person I had the conversation with and the conversation itself.

I won’t go into specifics about what I’m experiencing, I will say that I don’t like sudden change that I don’t see coming or anything that will negatively disrupt my routine. I have a hard time coming to terms with what was possibly not being that anymore if that makes sense. Sudden change that I never expect affects me deeply, even if it looks like I’m cool and together on the out, I’m falling apart inside and it’s something that I’m working on but you can only work on so much by yourself.

Yesterday I thought about quitting blogging all together, shutting down Doses of Jay, Quitting CampusLately and deleting everything, it’s still a thought just not as strong. My blog was the very thing that helped me grow and come to terms with a lot that I suppressed years ago. I’m not sure what I’ll actually do yet but for now I’m here blogging sharing my experiences hopeful that I can catch whoever’s reading this before you fall.

As my mind begins to drift from this topic, I want you all to know that God or whatever you believe in is real! I asked for clarity/ guidance everyday on my situation and state of mind and I received it in the best way possible. If you’re going through something write down what you’re going through and ask for what you need to help you get through it and be open to receiving it! You could be surprised at how you received your answer and from whom the universe decided to give that answer to you.

I’m going to leave you with a verse I received. Joshua 14:23 “…I know with all of my heart and all of my soul, not one thing has failed, of all the good things God has promised concerning me for all have come to pass.”

 

P.S. if you’re from Snapchat I’m okay I just had a mini breakthrough, I’m not 100% but I will be.

Comforting: Anxiety Filled Depressive Episodes

Mental health is very important and should be taken seriously. Especially with millennials today, it’s so much pressure to be someone who impacts the world in a positive manner. The pressure can be from society and also from ourselves, in my opinion everyone is nervous or anxious about what they’re doing and if what they’re doing is what they should do in order to reach the next level (the level/goals you set for yourself). Some people can snap out of the depressive feeling quicker than most, for those who can not it’s important that the people around them know how to comfort them.

You should not tell some who’s experiencing an anxiety filled depressive episode any of the follow:
• This too shall pass
• Just Pray about it (it’s not as help as people assume)
• Assume
• Make it about you and what you’ve done
• offer an unsolicited opinion
• Pressure them to “Calm Down”
• Force them to interact with other people (let’s go out you’ll feel better, this can actually be damaging)
• See they’re going through something but not acknowledge the change in behavior
• Laughing it off
• “You’re just being dramatic”
• “It’s not that deep”

None of these things are comforting in the slightest way, and could add negatively to whatever the person is already feeling. Personally I do experience anxiety filled depressive episodes, it can be damaging to talk to someone who doesn’t understand how to comfort in these situations but instead of getting upset with these people I choose to educate them, if you know better you’ll do better.

Some of the things that you can do:
• Create a save environment where the person feels comfortable discussing things that bothers them without judgement.
– I’m a Queen Ambassador for http://instagram.com/destinyfulfilledincorped and There is currently a Queen Tour that provides this platform 💕 coming to a city near you.

• Turn them to helpful blogs /Articles (I.e https://dosesofjay.wordpress.com/
• “I’m here if you need someone to talk to”
• Be Reassuring
• Be Encouraging
• Listen to Understand
• Just be there, knowing that they can call on you whenever could honestly just be enough
• Allow them to speak to you when they’re ready
• Allow them to openly talk about their feelings
• Buy them a Journal
• If they want to go to therapy ask to join them
• Be Supportive
• If you notice they’re being more reserved than usual check in on them

The smallest gestures can help so much more than a quick “pray about it” or not acknowledging it at all. Check on your friends especially the ones who have yet to find a way to cop with they’re issues, you may think they’re turning up every weekend because they want to be lit, when their lives could be spinning out of control and they’re not telling you how they feel because you aren’t comforting. Think about it, please check on some you never know what someone is dealing with.

 

Wild Thoughts (Literally)

I just recently wrote a letter to myself, in the letter I have about 40 unanswered questions, I’m not sure when I will open or if I should attach my current answers and compare the differences between my answers whenever I decide to open said letter. I’m debating if I should keep the letter on one of many Zip drives or just email it to myself, I’m thinking Zip drive because my OCD will not allow me to have an unopened email for more than a day.

I think right now I’m in a head space of reflection, I have questions brewing everyday, questions about my childhood, past relationship be it romantic or platonic, current relationship, friendship etc. the crazy thing is I feel as though I’m not at liberty to answer any of these questions because I don’t know what they mean/ what they’ll do for me. I’m detached from certain elements of myself and I’m not sure if the detachment is making room for growth of if I’m silently losing my mind.

I do notice no one really asks me what’s going on with the thoughts in my head, that’s why I don’t share them unless it’s on this platform and even then its only was on the surface at the moment; however, I continue to ask people if they’re okay or need to discuss something that’s on their minds because if left to your own thoughts for too long they can become destructive trust me I know. This is not to say I want someone to ask me now that they read this or what have you, I’m stating that at this moment in my life I’m being more observant than usual which isn’t an issue for me. I’m taking notice of small things that irritate me, make me laugh and smile, upset me or have me feeling indifferent.

This post is mainly for me to keep track of my thoughts because I’m too lazy to find my journal to keep this a private record, then I thought to myself that’s selfish someone somewhere might have similar thoughts as me, so what can I say to them that I in turn need to hear as well.

The answer is simple, There are no mistakes in life. You feel the way you do, struggle the way you do, prosper the way you do, think the way you do for a reason, it’s apart of your life’s purpose and I have to trust that it’ll all make sense and come together even if I don’t see it right now. So to you in the world if you feel like nothing makes sense right now, that in itself makes sense. I encourage everyone to write themselves a letter or write down questions and see where your mind takes you, you’ll be surprised by what it comes up with and if you feel like sharing you know where to email me.

-Jay

Troll Hunter

Written about me and I think is phenomenal and very realistic!, Thank you Shae

Young Black & Nerdy

It was 3am and all she could do was stare at the ceiling. She gave up trying to sleep at 2am when it was clear sleep wasn’t in her immediate future. All she could think about was how her day unfolded in such an unlikely manner. The internet isn’t typically a kind place when it comes to comment sections but today was different. The collection of vile that had gather below her most recent story was rarely seen outside of a Republican National Convention. You would have thought she praised satan the way they reacted. She didn’t get into journalism to deal with an out of control comment section and that’s what she ultimately spent most of her time doing. Her complaints to her editor always fell on deaf ears. Any time she complained he would simply respond “I get how annoying they are Jay but those angry people in…

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Overthinking at 1:23 AM

 

Anxiety successfully consumed my mind.

I want to talk about it but I don’t want to come off needy… I don’t need anything from anybody.
I don’t want to make anyone feel obligated to hear me rambling trying to scramble my thoughts together, that’s what it is 1,000 thoughts swarming in my brain consuming my mind creating an overwhelming leery feeling.

So what do I do? I don’t know. If the answer was that simple I wouldn’t be here shedding Denzel tears. I can’t dwell or I’ll sink into a mini depressed state and that draining, I don’t like being/feeling anything other than positive. I need to isolate and recharge, I’ve been putting out a lot of positive energy lately and I need that back.

I hate discussing anxiety episodes because it’s “oh yeah I felt like that but you need to do this” bitch if it was that ease I wouldn’t feel like this, did you ever consider that? I did not ask for your advice. Asking me multiple questions during an episode irritates me because if I knew in this moment I would tell you… offer reassurance not your opinion

It’s shocking seeing as I always have an answer for something, thinking multiple scenarios with multiple outcomes some greater than the other, all the while know that the lesser is more realistic. Acknowledging what it is from what you want it to be, my brain never sleeps I’m constantly thinking, constantly helping /shedding light on someone else’s situation, while keeping my life in the back of my mind. It gets draining I’m not going to lie, will writing this help me? Is writing still my “thing”? Will my word resonate with someone?

Are all of the things I want far-fetched? Will this episode taint my happiness? Am I happy? If I can’t answer my own questions how can I answer someone else’s? It’s now 1:52 in the morning and I’m still up over thinking… I pray a dream catches me and bring some peace. I wonder if I’ll write way to deal with anxiety?

Isolate. Disconnect. Recharge.

Casting Call: Leading Role?

 Are you leading someone to believe that they’ll get the starring role in your love life when really they’re just an extra? Someone you have no intention on making it official with, but you want them around for conversation or what have you? If so then why?

 It’s ok to develop friendship, but once the conversations and vibe exceed the boundaries of a platonic friendship. Your both entering a dangerous territory especially if one does not have the intention of making the other their significant other. We set the tone for every relationship (business, personal etc) we decide to enter, if there are no clear boundaries set it leaves room for you to be put into an uncomfortable place.

I’m specifically talking about romantic relationship/friendships. Most of us should be in a place where we’re thinking long-term, finding one person to start a new chapter in life with so on and so forth. If you’re not at this point in life you’ll get there eventually, it doesn’t take long to determine if you see a friendship turning into something romantic or stay platonic, so why keep entertaining a strictly platonic relationship with romantic behavior? This is how people “catch feelings”.

Leading someone on with empty promises, knowing exactly what they want to hear and saying that to keep them from feeling the need to pursue someone else. That’s selfish and inconsiderate, you’re not concerned about how they feel as long as your needs are met. You get more points being honest and setting boundaries in the beginning verse stringing someone along with promises of becoming your special person.

If you find yourself being caught up as an extra in someone’s love story and there is no clear apparent path to you becoming their leading lady/man, I hope you understand how important you are to ever be someone’s extra. You are a star honey someone’s only co star, you shouldnt be looking for someone to test your water, look for someone to dive in and create beautiful waves.

   – Jay

Are you Reflecting or Living in the Past?

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Welcome to 2017,

Where all of the things you were stressing over should no longer be a factor. If someone wronged you in 2016 let it go, Someone owes you money? Let it go, Someone broke your heart? Let it go. If you decide to harbor the actions of a situation that you had no control over, you’re giving power to negative energy and that negativity will begin to eat at you until your enthusiasm, peace, creativity, and self-love starts deteriorating.

This is the time in which we reflect on how well we’ve handled situations, which situations made is stronger and broke us down. Reflect on what made us feel uncomfortable and what kept us at ease, reflect on certain habits (Good and bad) and most important! Reflect on the lessons we’ve learned. Now there’s a difference between Reflection and Living in the past, in my opinion living in the past is exactly that. You’re constantly bringing up your past in every aspect of your life, not in the form of growth more so as a stagnant point in which you refuse to move from. All around it brings and unsettling negative vibe into your life, that could rub off on those who are around you.

Reflection on the other hand is much-needed especially if you’re on a journey of self-love and healing. I reflect on how I felt, where I was when I felt that why and then compare it to where I am now. It show me that the choices I am making are indeed the right ones, when you reflect on certain situations/circumstances you apply what you’ve learned from whatever happens to what you’re currently doing to make sure you have a different outcome. When you’re living in the past you hardly ever take the time to see what you’ve learned or what you’re willing to change. It’s easy for someone to tell you “You’ve grown so much” but until you yourself can acknowledge it it’ll mean nothing.

This week I want to encourage you all to reflect instead of saying “New Year, New Me” try New Year, BETTER Me”. Have a conversation with someone (or yourself) to look back and see how much you’ve grown! It’s the conversation in my opinion that determines if you have indeed grown as an individual. At the end you should say/hear “Wow I’m proud of the person you’re evolving into” verses “you’re still the same ole person”.

“Everybody looks at you strange saying you changed, like you worked that hard to stay the same” – Shawn Carter

I Wish you all a prosperous year, may you protect your peace, cultivate love and release creativity! You don’t need a New Year to evolve into who you already are, Just look inside and tap into it. I love you all

– Jay

Let’s Be Real.

 First and Foremost, I want to apologize for not posting when my goal for November was to push out more content. Let’s Be Real , life happens and honestly I’ve been going through a rough 2 weeks.

 I’ve acknowledged that I have a problem with dealing with my emotions when things bother me. I am actively working on not sweeping things under the rug and voicing how I feel, and it’s challenging as hell! When you always in the back of your mind felt like you’re bothering people by venting, or want to strictly vent and having someone tell you what you should/shouldn’t do. You have moments of weakness, I don’t want your advice I just need to vent before I go crazy and destroy all my hard work.

 For the past 2 weeks I have truly been tested emotionally and mentally, I’m not sure if I’m handling all the situations in the best way and that’s what’s scaring me. I know that I have to trust that the growth that I’ve made and the guidance that I’ve prayed for is leading me down the correct path. I had to seriously get real with myself and remember that the things that happen to you is not your karma, how you react to the situation is. Although I feel like I want to humble a few people, I must not allow people’s insecurities or situations to have control over my life, happiness, peace, and stability. I’ve come too damn far to ever let someone else be my downfall, with this being said I must redirect this negative vibe and turn it into something positive.

 I’m picking up my paint brush again and I’m also writing more poetry, because doing small things when I’m feeling down makes me happy. At the end of the day I am my number one priority! So thank you to all of my Evolving Cosmic Butterflies for reminding me that I’ve created a space in Doses of Jay where I could vent freely without judgement or feelings worsome. I needed get this off my chest, and I feel a lot better! I love you all

 *SN: if I started a podcast would you listen? Let me know in the comments.*

-Jay

23.

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Chosen by the Universe
Born November 6th 1993 prematurely.
Told all odds were against me 0.
I decided to beat the odds and achieve everything I could ever dream 0.

My twin died, I survived clearly for a reason 0.

Witness my uncle getting shot in front of me at 9 (he’s still alive but I lost it in that moment)

Lost the greatest part of me, I lost my Bestfriend my grandma 3 days after Christmas (mothers mom) at 11.

Lost another part of me (dads mom) 16.

I entered college at 18 (NCCU).

Placed in my first college pageant 19. 💙

Fell in love for the very first time at 19.

Heartbroken 19.

Realize that everything isn’t always how it seems ( I was very naive, people are fake as hell and love to paint a pretty picture. I’m not with the shits) 19-20.

Lost a best friend 21.

Slowly began losing myself and wilding out (nothing crazy you heathens) 21.

Chased a feeling of being in love rather than fall in love with a person 20-22.

Convinced I found my soul mate ✨ 21.

Hospital for what I later found out was anxiety 22

Depression and anxiety 22.

Complete Mental and Emotional Breakdown 22.

Panic attack number four convinced I was going to die on Christmas Eve 2015 ( this one was major) 22.

Moved to Georgia 22.

Cut off “friends” on my Journey of self-love and peace 22.

Started my Blog 🐛❤️ 22.

Gotten readers in over 18 countries and offers to collaborate with amazing bloggers and brands 22.

Highest views in a day 22.

Reached my goal of 2,000 views 22.

Reached my goal of 1,000 visitors 22.

My blog turned 1 years old 22.

Made connections networking 22.

I chose ME 22.

Needless to say 22 has been one hell of a chapter that I am gladly ready to end, only to begin chapter 23. I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m no longer afraid to voice how I feel, to get my heart broken , to fall and get back up, to go after everything that I want and push through everything standing in my way. I am a light and voice in this world l, and I will use it and spread it accordingly.
Today I am 23 and I’m just getting started ❤️

*this was inspired by Solange Knowlés https://instagram.com/p/BHC8kgIgAwG/ *