If you invited someone to your house and you found out that they stole from you or damaged your belongs, with no real “explanation” as to why, would you then let them back into your home?
Why is it that we often re-open the door for toxicity, people who’ve hurt us, or people who shown their true selves? Most people call this “seeking closure”; although, closure can be a beautiful thing if received correctly, most people don’t know what closure is. Closure is the coming of terms that an emotional experience is over, I.e “this happened, I felt this, I no longer feel this, I am over this, here’s what I learned from this” you don’t have to speak to the person that hurt you in order to receive closure, closure isn’t about them it’s about and for YOU.
I know a few people who feel like “we need to have one last conversation or a face to face and if you can look me in my eyes and not feel nothing I know it’s over” …… that’s not closure in my humble unlicensed opinion, that’s hope and a yearning for things to work out despite the toxicity that came from whatever lead to that statement being made, if there was any toxic behavior (more than likely there was but not enough for you to be completely done).
For me personally, I’ve never been the we need to see each other face to face in order for me to receive closure or to accept that the other party in this situation is over me. However if they needed that face to face to heal than I’m not opposed to having a conversation because everyone’s healing or what have you is different and I respect healing if that’s what they’re seeking. Other than that I internalize the feelings I fully accept the experience the best ways I know how, take the lessons and blessings and move forward, I apply this to every aspect of my life not just relationships and I’ve done well so far.
It’s important to me that I personally maintain my peace, emotional and spiritual stability. So if a person was at all toxic towards me or around me the likelihood of me Inviting them back into my life is damn near nonexistent. Granted people can grow and learn from their mistakes and toxic behavior which is phenomenal for them and I applaud that; however, I just don’t see them being in my life how they once were, I don’t give a flying flip what I accepted in the past I’m not accepting the shit now. The door has been locked you can sit on the porch if you like, the idea of re opening the door for someone who was toxic isn’t appealing to me at this level of my life.
Is there an exception? Possibly if someone shows that they’ve grown and who they are now is appealing and they’re adding to your peace etc then and only then should you decide if you should re open that door or not, but this needs to be on your terms no pressure, not in the name of seeking closure, no persuasion, no gimmicks none of that and most importantly your time and being should feel and be valued and respected highly.
Never let a damaging soul drain you out of your healing because after you poured your healing into them who is there to help you?